


No Aliens at Christmas

by goingtothetardis



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Christmas Fluff, Christmas misadventures, Doctor Who Secret Santa 2018, Domestics, F/M, Malfunctioning sonic screwdriver, Messing around in a pantry, Things catching on fire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-09-25 00:20:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17110883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goingtothetardis/pseuds/goingtothetardis
Summary: Jackie Tyler is determined to have a perfect first Christmas with Rose and the Doctor but a few misadventures along the way might complicate matters.





	No Aliens at Christmas

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BellatrixLives](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BellatrixLives/gifts).



> This is my 2018 DWSS for allons-ymrholmes on Tumblr!
> 
> I hope you enjoy this domestic Tentoo/Rose Christmas in Pete's World fluff. 
> 
> Thanks to SelenaTerna and Gingergallifreyan for the read-throughs and light beta work. Very much appreciated, as always. 
> 
> Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays!

“Now,” Jackie says, looking at the Doctor and Rose with a reproving glare across the dining room table, one week before Christmas. “Rose, since Mrs. MacCallum will be off for Christmas with her family this year, you’ll help me with dinner, yeah? And Doctor, you’re in charge of setting the table. Can you manage that?” She squints at him in question, like she’s still not quite sure her task fits his skill level.

“Oi,” the Doctor grumbles, glancing at Rose with the hope she’ll stand up to her mother and tell her he’s worthy of a much more dignified task, but she takes a sip of wine and avoids his gaze. “I’ll have you know, Jackie, I  _ am  _ a civilized being capable of performing menial house tasks.”

Next to him Rose chokes on her drink, and he scowls at her.

Jackie crosses her arms. “Yeah, and the last Christmas we spent with you, the bloody Christmas tree came alive and destroyed the flat. Somehow I don’t trust you to make setting the table a simple thing.”

Fighting the urge to roll his eyes, the Doctor bites back his sarcastic comeback and smiles serenely at across the table. “Jackie, I promise the table will be set according to your specifications without any Christmas decorations coming to life.” Under the table, Rose grabs his hand and squeezes it, and it reminds him that all of this – even the most cringeworthy domestic bits – are worth it with her at his side. 

Jackie surveys him a moment longer and glances suspiciously between him and Rose. “Good, because I’m not having another mad alien Christmas this year.” Her stern face softens into a smile. “It’s the first year with all of us together, and it’s going to be perfect. A perfect Christmas with my family.”

The Doctor clears his throat. “You do realize I’m still part Time Lord, and you’ll always have an alien in the family?” 

Rolling her eyes, Jackie sighs. Beside her, Pete laughs and stands up to clear the dishes. “I know that, you plonker. I meant no alien invasions or ships falling out of the sky. No Christmas trees coming to life or Santas trying to kill me.”

“Sounds like a boring Christmas,” he mutters to himself, and Rose elbows him in the side. 

“What’s that, sweetheart?” Jackie asks. 

“Nothing, mum,” Rose replies for him, finally speaking up. “No alien invasions. Got it. We’ve got one week to plan for a calm and uneventful Christmas.”

Jackie gives Pete a side-long glance. “We’ll see.”

* * *

 

“But Rose, I just got it working properly. I  _ always  _ take my sonic screwdriver with me,” the Doctor whinges without reservation. 

Just yesterday he’d  _ finally  _ completed his sonic screwdriver. Weeks ago he’d found an unexpected power source in the bowels of Torchwood’s archives that had allowed him to craft a sonic just as powerful as the ones he’d always built on the TARDIS with a universe of tech at his fingertips. So far, he’s set a couple hundred basic functions on the device but itches to test them fully and finish calibrating the tool for daily use. 

“Doctor, you don’t even know if it works properly,” Rose explains, gently stroking his tie, and despite his irritation, the Doctor leans into her touch. “Might be best if you leave it at home. Y’know mum said she didn’t want a crazy alien Christmas.”

“I can’t leave it at home unattended. What if someone breaks in and steals it?”

Rose frowns. “Didn’t you say you designed it with biometric touch so only you and I can activate it? Besides, no one will break in. You made sure our house has the best security system in London.”

“The world, Rose. The best security system in the world.” The Doctor sniffs, and looks away, gazing forlornly at his sonic sitting on the table. “I just made it Rose, and I’d really feel more comfortable with the sonic in my pocket.”

“You’ve already got a sonic in your pocket,” Rose says with a smirk and an eyebrow waggle while staring rather lecherously at his crotch.

“That was terrible,” he says, but preens, despite himself.

“Yeah, but you love it,” Rose answers with a smile.

He shrugs, neither confirming nor denying her statement.

After a moment of chewing on her lip, Rose sighs. “Oh, all right, but if you summon an alien invasion from the sky and piss off mum, I had nothing to do with it.” 

“Brilliant!” The Doctor jumps up from the couch and pulls Rose to his chest. He wraps his arms around her, relishing the way she melts into his embrace. Eight months into this unexpected life with Rose, he’s happier and more in love than he’s ever been in his many lives. The first several weeks had been filled with stony silences and heated fights, but after he’d been a bit too careless with his only life left and had ended up in Torchwood’s medbay with a life-threatening injury, both he and Rose had embraced their new reality, worked through the hurts, and moved forward together. 

“Are you ready for this, Doctor?” Rose asks, her voice muffled into his chest.

“Christmas with the family? Sugar and Tony? Jackie and eggnog? Setting the table? Christmas music? All that expectation and tradition mixed with holiday cheer and joy?” He runs a hand through his hair, making it stick up in all directions. “I’m terrified. Full on.”

Rose laughs and tugs on his tie, so he has no choice but to bend his head and press his lips against hers. Once they’re breathless and squirming, she pulls back, much to his disappointment. 

“I know domestics aren’t usually your thing,” she starts. 

He smiles. “Oh, I don’t know, with you it’s not so bad.”

Rose’s answering smile almost blinds him. “Yeah?”

“Yes,” he says, thinking back to the time when they thought they were lost under a black hole. So much has changed since then. 

“Well,” Rose says, “I’ll still make it worth your while. I picked up a little something from your favorite little shop in the city.”

“I have lots of favorite shops, Rose. You’ll have to be more specific.” The Doctor gazes intently into her eyes.

Rose smirks. “Remember what I wore under my dress for our six month anniversary?” 

He nods, his heart rate increasing just thinking about it.

“Well, I know you were quite fond of it, so I went back and did a little Christmas shopping.” She pulls the neck of her red jumper to the side to reveal a lacy black strap with delicate red detailing, but before can get a good look, she covers it back up and steps away from the Doctor. 

“Oi, not fair,” he complains, stepping forward and reaching unsuccessfully for Rose as she darts away with a laugh.

“It’s for later,” she promises.

“But now it’s going to distract me all day, and what’ll Jackie say if she finds me ravishing you in the pantry when I’m supposed to be setting the table?”

“Are you  _ really _ going to let mum find us in the pantry?”

This stops him short, and he pauses, tugging on an earlobe while his brain provides the potential aftermath of  _ that _ scene. “Ah, no. Absolutely not. Never. Nope.” He shudders. 

Rose laughs. “That’s what I thought. Come on, Doctor. Grab your sonic and the box of gifts, and let’s go. We’re already late.”

* * *

 

“You’re late,” Jackie says upon opening the front door. 

“Jackie, a Time Lord is  _ never _ late, nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to,” the Doctor says, sniffing in perfected Time Lord arrogance.

“If I say you’re late, you’re late,” Jackie replies, and despite her reprimanding voice, she stands on her toes and plants a wet kiss on his cheek. 

She misses his disgusted expression as she swoops toward her daughter and envelopes her in a hug. “What’s himself got up to this time?” Jackie asks, kissing Rose on the cheeks before pulling her toward the kitchen.

“Why is it always  _ my _ fault?” the Doctor grumbles after her, shifting the box of gifts in his arms to close the front door. 

“Because it usually is?” Pete appears to his left, doing his best – and failing – to hide a smile, and relieves the Doctor of his burden so he can remove his coat. 

“Oh, not you too,” the Doctor grouses, hanging his coat on the rack next to the front door. “Why is it never Rose’s fault?

“Because I’m not the one who spends thirty minutes on their hair every morning,” Rose says as she walks out of the kitchen with her own jacket draped over her arm. 

“I thought you  _ liked _ my hair!” The Doctor points his finger accusingly in Rose’s direction. 

She returns to his side and presses herself against him to run her fingers carefully through his hair. The feeling of her body close to his reminds him of the hidden surprise beneath her clothes and his thoughts quickly fall into the gutter. 

“Oh, I do,” she says. “You’ve got some  _ really _ great hair. I wasn’t complaining, just stating the facts.”

The Doctor physically reacts to Rose’s not-so-subtle flirting and wraps an arm around her to keep her close, forgetting about their current company. When Pete clears his throat, it’s a quick return to reality. Rose jumps away, blushing vividly, and the Doctor shuffles his feet, yanking on an earlobe. 

The Doctor’s saved from further embarrassment when Tony runs up shouting his name and wraps himself around his legs. He uses the distraction as an opportunity to run away and chase the young boy around the mansion pretending to be a Xlorax Yeti hunting his mid-morning snack.

* * *

 

“There you are, Rose,” the Doctor says upon finding her in the kitchen trimming green beans. 

She looks up from her task and gives him a sly smile. “Where’d you get off to? I thought we were having a moment back before you ran off with Tony.”

Coming to a stop beside her, he rubs the back of his neck. “Er, I forgot Pete was there.”

Rose sets down her knife and turns to the Doctor, running a hand down his tie. “Well, he’s not here now. And neither is mum...” She trails off suggestively and bites her lip.

The Doctor focuses on her mouth and bends down to capture her lips with his. Even after all these months, he relishes in the fact that he gets to do  _ this, _ now, even at the risk of Rose’s parents walking in on them. The thought immediately tempers his enthusiasm, and he pulls away before he allows himself to get lost in the moment. 

Rose looks up at him in confusion. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t exactly want Jackie to walk in on us. She’ll throw me out,” the Doctor mutters. 

With a frown, Rose looks around the kitchen before returning her focus to him with a wicked smile. “I believe you mentioned something earlier about ravishing me in the pantry…” She trails off and looks suggestively between him and the pantry. 

The Doctor hesitates. A quick snog in the darkness  _ does _ sound like a wonderful way to pass the time before dinner, but the risk of Jackie’s wrath upon finding them does a lot to dampen the mood. 

Rose, as though reading his thoughts, presses herself against his side, allowing the collar of her jumper to slip down over her shoulder. The mole he loves to devote hours of attention to pops into view, as does the strap of her tantalizing bra. 

Without a word, the Doctor grabs Rose’s hand and pulls her toward the pantry. He’s never able to resist for long when Rose wants something.

Just a quick snog. And maybe a thorough investigation of Rose’s underthings. 

For science.

* * *

 

_ “AARRRGGHHHHH!!”  _

Jackie’s screech has the same effect on him as a bucket of ice cold water dumped on his head. The Doctor yelps in shock and pulls his face away from the apex of Rose’s thighs as the door to the pantry opens and immediately slams shut again. 

“Oh god,” Rose mutters, pushing away from him as she pulls up her knickers and adjusts her skirt, a sparkly silver one worn in honor of the holiday. “I thought you locked the door with your sonic.”

The Doctor’s jaw works uselessly for a moment. “I  _ did _ lock it!” he whispers loudly, finally finding the words. He licks his lips and wipes his face with his hand, removing all traces of their prior activity, and sits in dumb shock as Jackie continues to blather on from the other side of the door. 

“Rose Marion Tyler! This is the  _ kitchen! _ Tony could have walked in… My eyes… That nutter of an alien doing things to you that… Scarred for life, I am. Rose Tyler, get your arse out here right this instant!” 

“Rose…” the Doctor whispers. “Do I have to go out?” 

She squeezes his arm. “If we don’t come out, she’ll just bang on the door and yell all day.”

He swallows, his mouth dry with dread. 

Red-faced and sheepish, they exit the pantry. Looking everywhere but at Jackie, the Doctor holds tightly to Rose’s hand as he suppresses his instinct to run – _ far, far away _ – from the other woman’s presence. 

“What were you  _ thinking?” _ Jackie hisses at them, and the Doctor flinches, anticipating a slap. 

Rose squeezes his hand. “Um…” she says, then shrugs. “We weren’t?” 

The Doctor cringes. This is worse than interrogation by a twelve-fanged horfunk in heat. Torture by Hades himself would be preferable to this.  

“You two. Going at it like a couple of rabbits fighting over the last carrot in the hutch. Can’t you keep your hands off each other for  _ one minute?”  _ Jackie’s face contorts in revulsion as she brandishes a spatula at them. “The poor pantry. Lord only knows what you’ve done to the inside.”

Jackie breathes deeply for a few moments, muttering mutinously about needing to sterilize the kitchen and various other surfaces in the house. The Doctor glances at Rose and begins edging toward the door of the kitchen. As he reaches the entrance, Pete walks in carrying Tony at his hip. 

“We getting bunnies, mummy?” Tony shouts in delight. “Daddy an’ me heard you yelling about bunnies.”

The Doctor freezes, watching the scene in horror. Pete chokes with laughter, Rose flushes deeply red, and Jackie’s eyes narrow dangerously as she looks between everyone in the room.

“Tony, I’ll tell you about the bunnies when you’re older,” she says, grabbing the kettle and walking to the sink. “Now, I’m gonna make myself a nice cuppa and scrub my eyeballs. Genuine shock and trauma, that.” 

“What happened?” Pete asks, attempting – and failing – to school his features, as he takes away his wife’s mug and replaces it with a full glass of wine. 

“Why don’t you ask your daughter and her alien boyfriend what I found them doing in the pantry?” Jackie says, glaring back at the Doctor.

“Oh, that’s not necessary, Pete. Not necessary at all. In fact, I was just leaving! Tony! With me, young man! The Xlorax Yeti is still hungry!” The Doctor babbles his way out of the kitchen, and chases Tony up the stairs after the child squirms his way out of his dad’s arms. 

* * *

 

Two hours later, the Tyler family sits down at the table for Christmas tea. The Doctor had, much to Jackie’s delight, followed her table setting instructions exactly per her request. After his and Rose’s earlier misadventures in the pantry, he’d been on his best behavior.

Mostly. 

_ Welllll. _ Sort of. 

Jackie doesn’t know about Tony’s bulldozer that he may have animated to life with his sonic and a few simple mechanical tweaks. He hopes the young child contained it in his room for the duration of the meal, because if it escaped, it could potentially set a course of destruction down Jackie and Pete’s hallways. 

As much destruction as a plastic toy can make, of course. And he hadn’t exactly un-animated it before answering Jackie’s call to prepare for dinner.

“Do I need to separate you two at the dinner table?” Jackie asks, looking between him and Rose.

_ “Mum,” _ Rose mutters and rolls her eyes. 

“Don’t ‘mum’ me, Rose. You know I’m being perfectly reasonable.” Jackie makes another disgusted face as she makes sure Tony is ready for dinner.

“Jackie, we’ll be on our  _ best _ behavior. We promise,” the Doctor says, desiring nothing more than for her to forget their earlier indiscretions.

“Mmm, we’ll see,” she mutters before walking into the kitchen with Pete. 

Over the course of the next few minutes, Jackie and Pete bring out the carefully prepared food, and the Doctor licks his lips in anticipation. As obnoxious as he’d once found human holidays and traditions, he finds he rather enjoys the closeness and company of his new family. And Rose, of course. Always Rose. But that fear and panic that had always accompanied such events no longer resides within his soul. 

Smiling widely, he stands as soon as everyone is seated. 

“I just wanted to thank all of you – Jackie, Pete, Tony, and you, Rose, especially you – for everything these last eight months. I know my existence was unexpected and you all planned for a different outcome with the cannon project. Even though it took… a while,” he wraps an arm around Rose’s shoulders, “I’ve got everything I always wanted, and the woman who means more to me than anything in this universe is right here at my side.”

Sniffling from across the table distracts him, and he looks up from Rose to find Jackie wiping her eyes with her napkin. Rose reaches an hand up and squeezes his hand, leaning her head into his side.

Slightly flustered over Jackie’s reaction, the Doctor whips out his sonic, fiddles with the setting, and points it at the candles in a line down the center of the table. “Are you ready for the candle lighting?”

Tony claps his hands in delight. “Lights!”

The Doctor presses the button on his sonic and frowns with nothing happens. He shakes his sonic and presses the button again, moving the device in an arc over all seven candles. 

“Fire, Doctor!” Tony shouts. “Look!”

A tiny flame flickers into life on the first candle and quickly repeats down the line of candles. The flames expand in size and quickly engulf each candle. 

“What are you doing, you bloody alien?” Jackie shrieks, pushing away from the table and running to Tony. “You set the table on fire!”

Pete jumps to his feet and sprints to the kitchen, returning with a fire extinguisher in his hands. 

“I don’t know what happened!” the Doctor shouts at Rose. Pointing his sonic at the flames, he attempts to put them out with a fire dampening setting, but his sonic is basically useless as they explode out of control and jump to the table runner and engulf everything on the table’s surface. 

“What are you waiting for, Pete!” Jackie screams, gesturing wildly at the table as she grabs Tony’s hand and drags him into the kitchen. 

Moving into action, Pete aims the fire extinguisher at the flames and shoots a cloud of white foam at the table. The Doctor and Rose run anxiously around the room, pulling away the chairs and other furniture not yet consumed by the flames.

Thankfully, it’s only a matter of moments before the fire is out, but a thick smoke lingers in the dining room. Coughing and waving their arms, the Pete, Rose, and the Doctor opens windows and doors before meeting Jackie and Tony in the backyard.

“What were you thinking?” Jackie yells, hugging a crying Tony to her chest and leaning into Pete.

The Doctor runs both hands through his hair. Of course,  _ he’d _ be the one to muck up their first Christmas together. Digging into his pocket, he pulls out his sonic screwdriver and studies it. “The energy in this universe is weird, Jackie. I don’t know what happened. I’ve used the same setting on my old sonic thousands of times and nothing ever happened like that. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” 

Rose walks over and hugs him from behind. “At least we’re all safe, yeah. We’ll just throw the food away, take the table outside, keep the windows open, an’ we’ll order takeout. Just like we used to, right, mum?”

Leave it to Rose to smooth everything over.

At Rose’s mention of their past tradition, Jackie’s frown turns into a smile. “Oh, com’ere, Doctor. You look like you’re waiting on your punishment from the headmaster. Rose is right. ‘S just a table and a bit of food. I know you didn’t mean to set the table on fire.”

Rose nudges him forward and he grudgingly accepts Jackie’s embrace and forgiveness. 

“But maybe see about getting your sonic fixed,” Pete adds, giving the Doctor a stern look. “Can’t have you setting everything else on fire, now.”

* * *

 

“We should do this every year,” Jackie says, pushing away her dinner tray and leaning back onto the sofa and closing her eyes. “Much less complicated than spending all day slavin’ away in the kitchen.”

“Mum, I know you wanted the perfect Christmas…” Rose starts.

The Doctor interrupts before she can continue. “But at least it wasn’t aliens?”

Jackie sits up and glares at the Doctor. “Except for the one that set the bleedin’ house on fire.”

“Er,” the Doctor tugs on an earlobe and grins sheepishly. “Yes. That. Well. A minor detail, all things considered.”

Before anyone can say another word, the sound of glass crashing to the floor echoes from the entry hall. 

“What the  _ bleedin’ hell _ have you done, now?” Jackie shouts and pushes her tray away. 

As everyone else jumps up and runs to the source of the commotion, the Doctor gripes, “Oi, why do you assume it’s always me?”

“Because it  _ is _ always you. I thought we’d already established this,” Pete answers with a laugh, coming to a halt in the entryway. 

On the floor lies a Chinese vase that had toppled to the stone floor after…  _ Oh. _

Tony’s bulldozer runs repeatedly into the wooden table upon which the decorative vase had once stood. It repeats the forward movement again and again as though there’s a glitch in it’s system.

Tony laughs in delight, in a way only a child can, and Rose and Pete soon dissolve into hysterical laughter. 

“This is what it’s always gonna be like, now, isn’t it?” Jackie says, as though coming to a grim realization, but the twitch in the corner of her mouth gives her away.

The Doctor rocks back and forth on his heels a few times. “Aw, Jackie,” he starts, catching Rose’s gaze with a smile, “I did promise no Christmas decorations coming to life. And this is very clearly a bulldozer.” 

He giggles, the carefree joyfulness of it surprising him. Within moments, he’s bent over with laughter, clutching the wall to stay upright.

“Happy Christmas, Doctor,” Jackie says, finally joining the rest of her family in laughter.

“Happy Christmas, Jackie,” the Doctor replies.

And it is happy. So very, very happy.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Find me at goingtothetardis.tumblr.com!


End file.
